1.  
  2. explodingdog:

    I refuse to call it a failure

    I submitted a title to Sam Brown — the artist behind explodingdog — and they obliged my request!!! 

    I am feeling cheered up.

     

  3. abipolarblog said: I've been a fan for years. I love how dark and twisted your drawings can get. Could you draw, "I refuse to call it a failure"? It's something I've been telling myself over and over after an attempt at something that went bad because of my anxiety. I'd love to have it turned into something funny.

    explodingdog:

    well, it didn’t turn out funny at all, but I hope you like it anyways. 

    it is up next.

    thanks

    Sam

    I am beyond excited and grateful that you obliged my request.  It is colourful and uplifting—something I really needed.

    Thank you so much Sam.  

     

  4. The Ticket

    Yesterday on my way to work a shift at the hospital, I had the bad fortune of losing my train ticket.  As I was exiting the train station, the transit police asked me for my ticket.  When I couldn’t find it, they gave me a $173 fine! I do not understand how they are allowed to demand that people produce their tickets AFTER they’ve already ridden the train and left the station.  I paid my fare! My partner and I cannot afford to pay it. They make well below the poverty line and my job at the hospital is an on-call position so I don’t get any hours. The two of us are trying to survive on an $11,000 per year income and it’s not working out well. I called my partner while I speed-walked to the hospital and cried uncontrollably. They were so alarmed by my sobs and gasps for air, that when I got home that evening they told me they thought I had been attacked. We discussed the issue and we are going to dispute the ticket. My partner also brought up the issue of my current state of mental health. They referred back to the fact that my reaction made them think I had been violently attacked. They pointed out to me that I kept apologizing for it and that I kept calling myself stupid, irresponsible, and stating that I “keep messing everything up”. “This isn’t the first time in the past couple weeks that you’ve shed tears over things that were either not your fault or just spilt milk”, they said. We both came to the conclusion that the isolation from the move and the chronic financial stress is beginning to mess with my stability. None of my current medications have an anti-anxiety effect so we both think it’s a good idea to see a doctor about trying some anxiety medication as a prophylactic—something short term to help get me through until we are more financially and socially fit without having a full-blown episode. The problem is, we don’t have health insurance. Unlike Nova Scotia, where healthcare is completely covered by taxes so no one has to pay out of pocket to receive basic healthcare, BC requires its residents to pay a monthly fee. We haven’t applied for the provincial coverage because we can’t afford the monthly fee, so right now I can’t go to the doctor for something as simple as a bladder infection without paying a ridiculous amount of money. God knows what kinds of bills we would accrue if I all of a sudden turn manic tomorrow and have to be hospitalized? The good news is, we can apply to have the monthly fee waived because we are poor. I plan on calling the health ministry to find someone who can help me fill out the forms properly and see if my application can be sped up because I’m mentally ill and currently at risk of having a relapse. Hopefully I’ll be eligible for the pharmacare program as well to help with the cost of my medications. I worry that the process won’t happen fast enough and I’ll get sick before seeing a doctor. At least my partner is a huge support, I have amazing friends and family back home that I can call, and my volunteer work provides me with some structure, consistency, self-esteem and social inclusion. It also helps to write about it on A Bipolar Blog. It’s cathartic and I think it is extremely important for people to understand all of the challenges, including the mundane, of having a mental illness. I hope that some of you can learn and/or find some comfort in sharing my lived experience. No one is alone.

     

  5. Anniversary

    My partner and I will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary this week! We didn’t get to celebrate last year together (we were living apart while I was finishing school), so I am really excited.  

    We have plans to make a nice breakfast and spend the day exploring a beautiful 55 acre garden park. To top it off, there’s a firework competition this week so we will be attending that in the evening.  The weather is going to be beautiful, and we are so excited.  The end of the week can’t come soon enough.

    I love my partner so much.  Sometimes when you have Bipolar Disorder, you can put partners on a pedestal, even when they don’t deserve it, because they “put up” with us. Sometimes we feel unlovable and that we owe some kind of debt to anyone who chooses to be a part of our lives. I don’t feel that way with them. We’re equals. They don’t infantilize me for having an illness and I don’t pin a badge of honour on their lapel for loving one of society’s undesirables. Our relationship is based on mutual respect, and I know it’s a much healthier and loving relationship than the relationships of most neurotypical couples that I know. They take care of me and play an active role in helping me to maintain wellness but it never feels like they are my caregiver. We’re just two people in love who try to make a commitment every day to be on each other’s side, and when we don’t, we call each other out or cut each other some slack accordingly. It’s not always easy, but it is simple. And wonderful.

     

  6. That awkward moment when a patient puts you in the centre of their religious-themed delusion. At least they’ve made me out to be a positive figure.

     

  7. Hmm, not what I was expecting. As the number of psychiatrists in an area grows, fewer and fewer patients get treated…

     

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  9. Teary Days

    Have you ever had a day where you cried over every little thing? I had one of those today.

    I woke up later than I wanted to which, for some reason, made me cry.  I had to go get groceries for breakfast and all I had for clean clothes was a pair of jeans that are too big and a ratty t-shirt.  I felt gross and sloppy which caused me to cry.  Then my sandal broke and I couldn’t fix it. They are my only pair of sandals and I can’t afford to get a new pair, so I cried.  Later, when I was making lunch for my partner and I, I burned all the food.  I started crying and exclaimed, “I can’t do anything right today! I’m sorry, I burned all our food!”  My partner came up behind me and put their arms around me and said, “It’s O.K., it’s O.K. Just having a day, huh? That’s alright, I woke up a little moody too. We’ll help each other out today.  You did your part, and now I’ll do mine. How about I make dinner tonight? You can just relax”.

    I’m grateful to be celebrating 5 years this week with this one!

     

  10. Interesting!

     
  11. "It’s not easy being drunk all the time.  Everyone would do it if it were easy" - Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage), Game of Thrones.

    Empathy statement for my future substance using clients

     
  12. Pictures I took after I had an anxiety attack. If I am able, one of my strategies is going for a walk. It is grounding. Taking pictures is a great way to remind myself that I come out on the other side each time.

     
  13. It’s officially Pride where I live!!! It will be my first one in a big city!

    I’m super excited to be volunteering with the Dyke March this Saturday!

    The pictures above are 2 permanent structures the city has installed.  I would prefer the money to have been spent on programs for the many homeless LGBTQQIA2S individuals in the city, but it is nice to have permanent fixtures to demonstrate the city’s commitment to human rights.

     
  14. The best CBT workbooks I’ve come across. I highly recommend them.

     
  15.